The Story of Bessie the Cow and Farmer John
Foreword
Once upon a time, there were cows living peacefully on Farmer John’s farm. Farmer John had many cows. There was one troublesome cow however, and that cow is our protagonist Bessie the Cow. Bessie liked to play games with the other cows. She would play things like Shell Game, Guess the Animal, and much more. However she could consistently beat all the other cows at these simple games, because you, a demigod in this world, could program flawless code which would always make Bessie win.
Chapter 1: The Bug
One day, when Bessie was playing Hoof, Paper, Scissors with Elsie and you helped her code a flawless code (as you think). However, all it outputs is a bunch of letters and numbers, unrecognizable to anyone. Bessie started to panic. Soon after, Bessie lost. The other cows, including Elsie and Daisy, made fun of Bessie for losing. When Farmer John heard of that, he immediately tried to send Bessie to the nearest Cow-Jail for losing Hoof Paper Scissors. Worried, Bessie hid from Farmer John. Based on what some witnesses said, Bessie was hidden on the one long path on his farm. Farmer John searched frantically, but he still could not find Bessie. At last, Farmer John lost hope in finding Bessie himself, so he asked for your help.
Chapter 2: The Lost Cow
Of course, you accepted the offer as it might mean if you pass bronze or not. After using some of your amazing coding skills, you finally finished your amazing code. Using this code, Farmer John started to track down Bessie, but right before Farmer John captured Bessie, Bessie pressed a button. It was a secret elevator! Bessie quickly zoomed up while Farmer John called some of his friends for help. Bessie arrived in a network of farms, one of which has an exit, but Farmer John was one step ahead; there were other farmers waiting to catch Bessie! Bessie quickly ran, hoping to get to the exit.
Chapter 3: Cow at Large
The farmers were right behind Bessie. She had to act quick. Then, she realized that you are reading this. So she asked you to help her code another flawless code to help her escape. You accepted again, because it might also mean if you pass gold or not. This time, you check all your sources, including Wikipedia to make sure that your code is correct, but the other farmers have something up their sleeves. They edited Wikipedia to have incorrect information. Luckily, an admin banned them and reversed the changes right before you submitted. The moment comes as your code runs. Bessie’s time is running out. Suddenly, a big T popped up! It’s the annoying time limit exceeded! Your code is too slow, and there’s only 10 seconds until Bessie gets captured!
Using the power of #pragma GCC optimize('Ofast'), you speed-optimized your code and submitted just in time. It says Grading in Progress. (Just so you know, when it is grading, the time stops.) A big green rectangle flashed before your eyes. AC! Using the code, Bessie quickly escaped from the barns, but she got another problem to deal with.
Chapter 4: The Second Problem
Bessie the cow just realized that she didn’t know what to do now! She had nothing to do at all. She decided to create some random codes to patronize herself. But, the codes decided not to work with Bessie but to work with the farmers instead. What was she going to do now?
After hours of fretting, Bessie finally decides to go to the city. The Cow City. She decided to be another farmer’s cow. In order to do that, she needs to get a job. Fortunately, there are K(1≤K≤3∗105) farmers that are hiring cows. As expected, there are N (1≤N≤3∗105)cows ahead of her for the interview.
Since getting a job is very important to Bessie, she wants to carefully prepare for her interview. To do this, she needs to know when she will be interviewed and which farmers could potentially interview her. She once again realized that you are reading this. She needs your help!
Chapter 5: Bessie’s Interview
You write your code in no time, but just in case you run it on a test case first, and find a bug! Because she had time to spare, Bessie decided to try to help you find the bug. A while of searching later, she finally cornered the bug. However, the bug used its TLE powers to start destroying a wall, which would allow the bug’s escape! She didn’t have much time, and she didn’t run very fast. Luckily, there were springboards. You write a quick code and, luckily, you make no errors, and Bessie helps you catch the bug! Now your code runs perfectly, and Bessie heads to her interviews.
Chapter 6: The UFO
A farmer named Farmer Greg decided to hire Bessie and Bessie is now in Farmer Greg’s farm. She is quite happy there, and lived there worry-free for a week until one day, while she was being milked, she saw another cow that looked quite familiar. It was Elsie! Elsie was shocked to see Bessie and quickly started apologizing. She said that she saw every other cow was laughing and she was afraid that no one would like Elsie if she didn’t laugh. Bessie thought this reason was a little stupid but accepted it anyways. She asked Elsie how she got here in the first place. “A UFO picked me up, but then I jumped off” Elsie said. “It followed me. I went here to lay low.” Suddenly the UFO burst out of a bush and captured Elsie and Bessie.
The aliens were surprisingly nice to them. On the spacecraft, Bessie and Elsie were fed many delicious foods, and given anything they wanted.
Meanwhile, Farmer Greg heard the noise and came to check it out. Bessie was gone! Quickly, Farmer Greg called 911. The police declared an Earth-wide search for Bessie, with a huge reward. Everyone on Earth searched for Bessie.
Back on the spacecraft, Bessie and Elsie carefully walked to where the aliens talked, and eavesdropped on them. Apparently, the aliens were going to the top secret alien planet.
The next day, they went to eavesdrop again. This time, it was something else. Apparently, Farmer John made contact with the aliens, and the aliens was on the communications device making deals with Farmer John. Farmer John wanted Bessie and Elsie back, no matter how much he paid.
Soon Bessie and Elsie began planning their escape. In their dormitories, they hid multiple different metal objects, which they stole from the spaceship junkyard. During when they were supposed to sleep, they would construct a blaster. They planned to use the blaster to escape, however they would not know which way back to Earth. They also each made a phone for themselves so they could text each other if they were separated.
However, one day, an alien went into their dormitories and checked. They found their blaster and immediately reported it to the other aliens.
Chapter 7: Infinite City
The aliens confiscated their blaster, and separated the two cows into different rooms. They knew that a blaster could not be made with only one cow.
Suddenly, Bessie discovered that they still had their phones! They had hidden them in their hooves while the alien was checking, and they didn’t see the phone. Quickly, without being caught, Bessie began texting Elsie.
All of a sudden, Elsie told Bessie that she had found an escape. It would involve escaping to the realm of moofinite. With you in mind, Bessie asked you to write a recursive program which had no termination case, causing an infinite loop, in which you accepted the offer and did it because it might mean if you pass platinum or not, and entered the shadowy realm of moofinite. So, Bessie and Elsie arrived at city i where there was a portal moving at time t. They checked all values of t and found they were powers of two. c[I]**2 is where the portal would lead to, and they needed to figure out which city in moofinite they was going to end up in. Since moofinite was a graph, she jumped into node 2’s portal and ended up at node 4’s portal, based on your code. They didn’t want to exceed 232, as that would exceed their cow memory. They jumped into node 64, which sent her to a random location in her original realm. You, seeing them finished, terminated the recursive function and then they dove into the portal with determination.
Chapter 8: Escape
The portal took the cows to a place which they did not know of. At least they were not near the aliens anymore. At first, this wasn’t a problem. But, after hours of waiting, the cows didn’t know what to do! Help them create a code to another portal!! Help the cows! They ask you to write code. You accept, as you could be sent to the IOI! Unfortunately, there are 1032<N<1092 ways to get there, and that is a heck big of a number. So you start working, hecking the Earth’s friction and gravity, and finally, it works. You are accepted into the IOI.
Chapter 9: Not So Fast
The cows made it to a safe spot, but soon Farmer John was looking for Elsie and Bessie again. They knew where they were - they had a hecker too! They asked for your help, but unfortunately you were overseas at the IOI. Farmer John caught Bessie and Elsie and put them back in the pen.
Chapter 10: Trouble
Soon the aliens captured Bessie and Elsie from Farmer John again, and held them ransom for $500,000! Farmer John could not pay that, so Farmer John, Greg, Mark, Bill, and Steve worked together to try and kill the aliens. They used nukes, blasters, and more! But the UFO was invincible. They tried and tried (they huffed and puffed) but it would not fall. In the end, as the aliens ate Elsie as a delicious . Bessie ran away, afraid to be made into.
Chapter 11: Bessie
“Arg!” Bessie shouted. Bessie had no idea what to do. She sat on the ground and started to ponder about possibilities. None popped into her mind. Finally, she realized what. She was going to search for Farmer John and Greg!
Ending
Farmer John and Greg continued to search for Bessie. It took 1031 more years for Farmer John to find Bessie, somehow he was still alive! Steve, Greg, Mark, and Bill had given up at that point, but Farmer John would not stop until he found Bessie. After he had found Bessie, they decided to be coders together and never be sad. They kept laughing about how they were looking for each other. In conclusion, Bessie’s story was an amazing tall tale. After all, this story isn’t even true. It’s made up by a cow.
The End
Made by X-camp trollers (including me)